There is a shitwave of chaos about to flow down the streets of Washington. Memebers of Congress from both the Republican and Democratic parties face a harrowing task to reconcile with the American People regarding an Imminent poop debt shut-down tsunami if they do not raise the poop debt ceiling above 14 feet tall in the next 24 hours. The streets will run brown with faeces as wave after wave of dookie pours out of our toilets and televisions. Federal officials in multicolored ties are sitting in bathroom stalls on Crapitol Hill as we speak, contemplating the best way to keep a wave of shit from washing over the Nation and the World.
House Spackler Britch Boner says: “We are facing an amount of poop build-up never before seen by the country since our forefathers’ forefathers dug holes in the ground to poop in. Poop isn’t free, we owe countries like China trillions of poops that they harvest from septic tanks around the nation. The problem arises from a system of poop management that is flawed and allows a buildup of poop that needs to be evacuated, and if we don’t act now, there’s only one place it can all end up: all over our faces.”
There’s going to be a debate about all this shit. The GOP and Dems need to pay close attention to the courtesy flushing of the Fecal Defense Budget and rich people’s toiletry tax cuts. We can expect to see a lot of pidgeonholing and gerrymandering of the plumbing systems in the house and senate bathrooms, they’re the hardest hit by the immense amount of shit building up in Washington. They will cut a deal to clean out the sewers and fortify the waste treatment plants with a discretionary pooping limit of one poop per household, per day until 2016. So get ready for a nation unified by the mantra “if its brown, its mellow.”
Tell us in the comments what you think the government should do about the fecal debt crisis, and how you expect all this fucking shit to affect you.
- Article by Marshall Ploperson
Marshall Ploperson is a super swick political poop analyst with fifteen years experience destroying bathrooms for the next unlucky sap who has to go.
